I’ve been cleaning out my filing cabinets over the past few weeks. Among other little treasures, I stumbled across my journals from Vandy+Catholic retreats. So I thought I’d share a bit from one of them. This particular journal was from the fall semester of my sophomore year, and the retreat’s theme was Transitions.
It’s so beautiful out here. With all the crunchy red, orange, yellow, and brown leaves on the ground, the light blue sky and white fluffy clouds overhead, and all the birds and butterflies flying around, it feels so peaceful. Maybe it’s right that we’re here in autumn. It’s a season of change. And that change is beautiful. Sure, after the beauty falls away, everything looks bare and deserted, but that’s also beautiful in its own way. And it has to happen for spring to come and new life to start.
I think part of me just doesn’t like/want to deal with change. I like to have certain things that are always the same, like a set routine I can follow. But I can’t always have that. And I think I know that and try to fight against it.
How can I know what I’m really supposed to do? I think I know what I like to do, and I maybe know some of what I can do, but I know sometimes we have to do things we don’t like or things we think we can’t do. So how do I balance all that? And I know I can’t do everything, and the more I try to do the less good will come out of it because if I stretch myself too thin I won’t be able to give anything my all. And what is worthwhile if it’s only done halfheartedly? God, I need guidance. I need You to show me what I’m supposed to do for You, or at least give me a nudge in the right direction, because part of me feels really lost right now.
Oh WOW, God, that was amazing. I just looked up again, and instead of the clouds just being on the horizon behind me, now they’re all around me, covering the whole sky with their tiny wispy frailty. And I didn’t even notice them moving. It really doesn’t look like they’re moving at all, and yet somehow they’ve touched the whole sky. So even though sometimes I feel like I’m going absolutely nowhere, just running around in useless circles and I can’t see where I might be headed (if anywhere at all), God has a plan for me, and He’ll make me cover the sky without me even realizing it.
A Shift In The Light 